September 03, 2010

Dating Advice for Preteen Boys

Here's the deal. My dear Evan would absolutely dig a hole and crawl into it for the remainder of his days if he knew I'd posted this, but HELLO I'm a mom and a blogger. I can't make this stuff up, and it must be shared.

So Evan has captured the heart of one of his classmates. He's had her heart since 3rd grade, but really who's counting. Anyway. This year the girl has found herself, and she knows that Evan is what she wants. Please note that they've only been in school for one week - AND - his devotion has never wavered. Evan accepts things as they are, and this thing just was. In his world she and he are and would always be...

Last year they weren't in the same class, but the spark was still there. I guess she needed reaffirmation of his devotion, and she's had the gusto to extract him from his posse during recess to draw the line. My poor boy is clueless in the love department (and I hope he remains so for the next 10 or so years), and he had to ask his resident expert (me!) what most of it meant.
Are you still into me?
Can I call you after school? I think we should discuss this without anyone else around.
Unh. We're through!
This was at 3 separate recesses all on the same day. My poor Evan came home from school and wanted to transfer classes. He was baffled!  With the "into me" comment, he squeezed her shoulder and told her she was a really good friend. She responded by huffing off and stomping across the playground. He guessed correctly that he had not given her the answer she wanted. But to Evan's credit - he wanted to know how he could have responded any differently.
Because if I was "into her" what would we do about it? WE'RE IN 5TH GRADE!!!
He didn't get the "we're through!" and I explained that he'd been dumped. His response?
Shouldn't I be sad?
I told him that if he wasn't then it was OK. He was very nervous about going to school the next day - apparently rightly so. She apparently wasn't serious about breaking things off and spent her after school hours writing him a love song (on the piano!). Words cannot explain his exasperated expression when he came in the door and held the crumpled note up in the air and asked his brothers to leave the room.

Later I told him to tell her that he just wanted to be her friend, but his dad overheard me.

So now I give you dating advice according to Jon Hill. (As shared with me by Evan's older brother - this occurred while dove hunting - a trip attended by Evan, Carson, Jon, and 3 of  Jon's brothers - do you see where this is headed?)

According to Jon, telling a girl that you just want to be her friend is the worst possible thing you can say. This is the part that really gets me. Then Jon referenced The Simpsons (Season 4, Episode 8 to be exact) where Bart has a crush on his older next door neighbor, who trance-literally rips his heart out, throws it against a wall, and watches it drop into the trash, when she tells Bart that she has a boyfriend. I was choking too hard to hear what Jon's advice for fixing the situation is, but I'm sure that all that testosterone offered something...

We all are fond of this girl at our house. She's adorable, and I'm in love with her for identifying Evan as the target of her affections so early. I always have thought that Evan would be the boy who would find one girl and stick with her (he's just that loyal) - I just didn't think it would happen before he was 10. She's just got to realize that she is pouring it on a little thick - you just need to take it as it is with Evan. He'll eventually catch on and react appropriately. It just has to be on his time - and he's not one for pressure so you may be in for the long haul. Be patient - he's so worth it.

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